


Healing

by kv_panda_red



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, Dating, Domestic Violence, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Hetalia, Implied Smut, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Sex, Love, M/M, No Smut, OC's - Freeform, Original Characters - Freeform, Physical Abuse, Referenced Smut, Sexual Abuse, Song fic, Stockholm Syndrome, THERE IS NO ABUSE BETWEEN THE SHIPS ITS WITH A CHARACTER AND AN OC, Training Wheels, True Love, Violence, alcoholic character, crybaby, drunk, inspired by a song, inspired by songs, teddy bear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 01:50:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15329046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kv_panda_red/pseuds/kv_panda_red
Summary: *** TIGGER WARNING + IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT***(PLEASE READ)First and foremost, This fic is a song fic for two songs by Melanie Martinez. I do not wish to be associated with her in any way, I wrote this before the rape allegations and I fell in love with this piece of work. I loved how well I wrote it and it broke my heart to not post it. I've decided to post it simply for my own pleasure since I am proud of the story I created.Second, the first part is very intense, it references domestic abuse (sexual, physical, mental and emotional) BUT it only includes one character from the ship (dennor-- Norway) so in no way is Denmark or Norway abusing of one or the other. The abuser is an OC, not from the Hetalia franchise.Lastly, I hope you enjoy this as much I enjoyed it myself.*** ***Lukas just wanted to be happy. To find love. To Love. And to be Loved. But it seems like things never worked out for him.





	1. Hell

**Author's Note:**

> I REPEAT I do not want to be in any way associated with Melanie Martinez. I do not care if you think that Timothy faked it or that its not true. I DECIDED to cut Melanie out of my life and I do not wish for my inbox to be full of fans justifying why she didn't or did do it.

~Lukas Bondevik P.OV~

 

{Stitched you up, put you together  
With cotton and feather  
Gave you love, put my heart inside you}

 

I met him on a cold winter night. He was a bit drunk and he looked unprepared considering how cold the night was. I came up to him and asked him if he was okay. We were in front of a bar, the one he had come out of, so I wasn’t scared; if he got out of hand the people in the bar would see. He was a little over tipsy, so he admitted he needed help. He lived on the other side of the city, he couldn’t drive; so I took him home.  
The next day he woke up with a small hangover. I gave him coffee and some painkillers. He thanked me. He insisted on a taxi after I offered to take him home. I thought nothing of it. The next day the same thing happened. He was a little bit more drunk. He reeked of alcohol and could barely walk. I did the same, I took him home, the next day I gave him coffee and painkillers. That’s how we met. He gave me his number this time.  
After a few days, he called me. I half expected him to be drunk and ask me to take him home but it was only 6. He asked me out. He noticed the pride flag on the wall of my room before he left and decided he might have a chance with me.  
The date was great. He took me to dinner then we went on a walk in the park. I got to know him better. He grew up in an alcoholic home. I thought nothing of it. He came from Hamar and moved to Oslo when he graduated. He had always loved it here. I told him about myself too. I grew up in Oslo, I liked cats, etc.   
We kept going on dates. I noticed he would always get some alcoholic drink. I didn’t think much of it. After almost a year of dating, we moved in together. He moved in with me, to my apartment. I quickly noticed he would drink almost every day, so I helped him. Since I didn’t drink I told him to make a deal with me. He could drink on nights out, but not at home. He agreed. At least I thought so…

 

{Oh what could I do  
When you started talking in your sleep  
Saying things you'd do to me}

 

Lots of people talk in their sleep. It's normal. He’s probably having nightmares…

 

{I didn't care}

 

He’s saying weird things but it’s fine. Nightmares, I said. Nightmares.

 

{I wasn't scared}

 

There’s nothing to be afraid of. He’s your boyfriend. He wouldn’t hurt you.

 

{Now I'm finding knives under the sheets  
Crumbled photographs of me}

 

I mean, when I went to the kitchen the plate on the floor was probably an accident. He must’ve dropped it when he went to get a midnight snack after work. The wet floor was an accident too. If he was tired, he could’ve spilled a little. I slipped and hurt my knee. It’s fine though, I just have a limp. It was not on purpose. The knife wasn’t either; it could’ve slipped off the counter. The bat lying around was an accident too. You stepped on it, Lukas. It was your fault. Even he said it was your fault. He can’t be wrong. You are just clumsy. He said so too.

 

{I'm in despair  
Should I be scared?}

 

I mean finding a knife lying around is scary. But it’s stupid. I shouldn’t be scared. He wouldn’t do anything to you. He loves you.

 

{Teddy bear, you were my teddy bear  
You were comforting and quiet  
How did love become so violent?}

 

I remember when he would hold my hand protectively at the bar when a guy came up to us. He would always watch out that I was walking at his same pace and would slow down when I wasn’t. When his protective hand became possessive I didn’t think much of it. When he would walk without paying attention to me and drag me along the park, I didn’t care. 

 

{Oh, teddy bear, you were my teddy bear  
Everything was so sweet until you tried to kill me}

 

When he first said he wanted to have sex, we were about four months into our relationship. I said no, that I wasn’t too comfortable yet. He said it was ok. Then when we moved in together he wanted to ‘celebrate’ and this time we were very close, but before he could take off my pants I said I wasn’t ready. Then every month he would ask. I would say no. For his birthday he said that’s all he wanted. He wanted to touch me, he wanted me to touch him. I panicked in all honesty. I didn’t know what else to get him since it was all he wanted. He had been asking so persistently after the first time I said no…I said yes. I was hesitant. I wasn’t ready in all honesty.  
It was fine for a while. We wouldn’t have sex often but: he would ask often. At some point, he started getting impatient. He started being rude. He would say that he had a need and that I wasn’t fulfilling them. He would threaten to break up with me. I loved him and I didn’t want to let go of him. He knew this. So, whenever he would pull out the ‘you’re not fulfilling me’ card, I would cave in. One time I said no even after he pulled out the card. And he said things. He said horrible things. He said that I was worthless and that nobody would love me the way he loved me. That no one would ever love me again… I caved in.  
He would do this…often. From having sex once a month at the maximum, we were having sex every day. I didn’t want it but he did and that’s all that mattered. He started drinking again too. He wasn’t the drunk he used to be. He wasn’t the drunk I found in front of that bar. He was angry drunk. Forceful drunk…

 

{I threw you out, I didn't outgrow you  
I just didn't know you}

 

I told him I needed some time. He refused. So, I came up with a lie. I was going to be visiting family over a few weeks. He said he wanted to meet them and I didn’t let them. I told him they already knew who he was since I had talked to them about him. He agreed. But he said that I had to facetime him every night and that he wanted to facetime my parents. I agreed.   
When I got to my parents I told them a cheap excuse as to why he couldn’t come. I told them he still wanted to facetime them. I facetimed him. The first week I facetimed him in my old room. Then the next week in my little brothers’ room so he thought I was with my aunt and uncle. After two weeks I avoided the facetimes. I would go to bed really early to have an excuse to not answer. He would get mad, but he said he understood.

 

{But now you're back}

 

He tracked my phone to my parents’ house.

 

{And it's so terrifying how you paralyze me}

 

When he came in through those doors I froze. I didn’t know what to do. He said “Surprise!” with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen. Almost scary. He hugged me and gave me a kiss. It felt very forceful, but I didn’t pull away. My parent went to see what the whole commotion was and they happily greeted him. I felt a sense of comfort knowing my parents were here. They wouldn’t let him and I sleep on the same bed. 

 

{Now you're showing up inside my home}

 

The first night at my parents he was taken to the guest room. In the middle of the night, he slipped into my bed.

 

{Breathing deep into the phone  
I'm so unprepared  
I'm fucking scared}

 

My parents caught him in the act two days in and said that it was very impolite. He didn’t do it again. He would call in the middle of the night. Saying he couldn’t sleep well knowing I was in the next room. Not with him. He told me to leave the phone on the call so he could hear me breathing. I got scared. That straight up sounded stalker-like. Serial killer even! But I did it. I didn’t want to make him mad.  
After a few more nights. He packed my bags and said we were leaving abruptly. I couldn’t say no.

 

{Teddy bear, you were my teddy bear  
You were comforting and quiet  
How did love become so violent?}

 

He would get drunk every night when we were back at the apartment. He would…do things…to me. Those things included slapping me and hitting me when I resisted. He would say he was sorry the next day. He would say it was out of the alcohol. I would believe him and give him his coffee and painkillers.

 

{Teddy bear, you were my teddy bear  
Everything was so sweet until you tried to kill me}

 

It happened every day. Every. Day.

 

{I'm fucking scared}

 

I should have noticed the signs since the beginning. I could’ve changed him. I guess it’s my fault.

 

{Teddy bear, you were my teddy bear  
You were comforting and quiet  
How did love become so violent?}

 

One day, it got a bit out of hand. He wasn’t even drunk. He was sober. I dropped his plate of breakfast by accident and he got mad. He claimed I did it on purpose. He, well, he beat me. I must have screamed too loud when he grabbed the bat. It even scared him to stop. But it also scared the neighbors.

 

{Teddy bear, you were my teddy bear  
Everything was so sweet until you tried to kill me}

 

The neighbors called the cops. The cops came and arrested him. I’ve never cried so much in my life. He was the only person to ever love me. So, what if it was tough love? Is that considered tough love? I mean he was drunk most of the time. I know what he was like when he wasn’t drunk. He wasn’t like that when we met. I fell in love with that boy. The one that would hold my hand protectively and make sure I ate all my food at the restaurant. The boy that I met because he was tipsy in front of a gay bar and I took him home. That was the boy I fell in love with. And that boy fell in love with me. If he had just had more time, he would’ve realized his change. He could’ve changed back to that boy. Besides, he loved me. Right?


	2. Chapter 2

{Riding down, riding down  
My hand on your seat  
The whole way round  
I carry band-aids on me now}

 

After a few days, after they arrested him, the cops had called my parents and told them everything. They came over and packed up my things. I told them I didn’t want to leave. That I had to visit him at the jail. I had to defend him in court. They didn’t let me stay. Or do any of those things as a matter of fact. They took me home and took photos of every bruise and cut they could find. They took the photos to court and he got a 10-year sentence. I can wait ten years. I know I can.  
My parents told me to go shopping. I went shopping. They told me to buy band-aids and things to help my injuries. I followed their orders. That’s all I could do at this point. There was this overly cheery cashier. He was very nice to me. He noticed a few cuts and bruises and the band-aids. He recommended this cream that helps bruises heal. He even went to look for it.   
“Here! This should heal those up!”  
“Thank you.”  
“So, that would be 60 krone. And if it’s possible your phone number?” he said with a smile. I didn’t even smirk.  
“Here.” I gave him the money. “Have a nice day.” I left. I saw the corner of my eye he had this childish pout. It almost made me feel bad. Almost.  
My parents took me to a psychologist. Apparently, I have ‘Stockholm syndrome’. I don’t believe her. I fell in love with an amazing guy. He just changed. He still loves me. I bet he hasn’t been able to take his mind off of me since he was locked up. We went to the same store I had gone to before to get me some pills the psychologist said would help me sleep better. I can admit I was having nightmares about him, but drunk him, not him. I saw the cheery cashier again. He seemed to be leaving. He was putting up a sign that said ‘Lukket Fil’ or ‘Closed Lane’. When he saw me and my parents looking for a lane he called me over.  
“Hey! It’s you! The one with the band-aids!” I just nodded and tried to smile, but it came off more disgusted that curtsey. “You can go in my lane!” I tapped my mom on her shoulder and told her to come over.  
“Thank you.” My mom said. “How did you know Lukas?”  
“You just had to say my name…” I mumbled.  
“Your name is Lukas? That’s a nice name!”  
“I know,” I said, quite coldly.  
“Lukas! Be nice.” My mom looked at the things she had put on the counter. “Oh, Lukas, can you go get some eggs?” I nodded briefly and left. I found the eggs and when I came back;  
“Oh, Lukas, I can’t believe you didn’t give this nice young man your number! He’s going to be joining us for dinner!”  
“Why the hell is he joining us? I didn’t give him my number because I’m not single. Besides he’s a total fuckbo-”  
“Lukas. We’ve talked about th-“  
“Not. Single. He’ll get out. I can wait for him. I love him. And he loves me. So, what if he changed? He’ll be back to normal in a while. Why can’t you understand that?” I said, I left the eggs on the counter and made my way out of the store.

 

{For when your soft hands hit the jagged ground  
Wheels aren't even touching the ground}

 

“Lukas, take a shower and put on some nice clothes.”  
“Why?”  
“The nice boy from the store, Mathias is his name, by the way, he’s coming over for dinner.”  
“Why did you even invite him? Can’t you give me my food in my room?”  
“No. Do as I say.”  
I took a brisk shower. It was relaxing. I put on a shirt I had used on a date with my boyfriend. I put on some comfortable jeans. To finish it off I put on my boyfriends’ jacket. This will probably tell Mathias to back off. When I went to the dinner table, he saw me and his eyes lit up. Like when I entered the restaurant on my first date with my boyfriend. Oh, how I miss him…  
“You look great!” said Mathias.  
“I know.”  
“Lukas!” said my mom.  
“I do. I wore this outfit on one of my first dates with my boyfriend he really loved my shirt. This is his jacket.”  
“What? Lukas, take that jacket off right now. Why do you even have that? After he-“  
“He did nothing. And I’ll take it off because it’s not as cold as I thought.”  
“This guy must be lucky to have you. You’re so handsome.”  
“I am lucky to have him.”  
“No, Lukas, he was lucky to have you. He didn’t deserve you. You were too good for h-“  
“No! I didn’t deserve him. Nobody’s gonna love me the way he did!”  
“I sure do hope so.”  
“Ugh!” I got up and left. When I left the room, from the corner, I heard:  
“I’m so sorry Mathias. He’s very sick.”  
“What do you mean? He looks fine.”  
“He has Stockholm syndrome.” I left after my mom said that. I don’t have Stockholm syndrome. I’m in love. I just—I… well, I don’t know. 

 

{Scared to take them off but they're so worn down}

 

After a few days of being in my room, I was there for three days, my mom and dad send me my food. They thought I was mad at them but I was mostly mad at myself. I do have Stockholm syndrome… I just can’t control it. I still love him. I don’t know if I’ll be ready to love again any time soon.  
I left when I had to go to my psychologist appointment. My parents told me that I didn’t need to go if I felt too forced. They said they wouldn’t invite Mathias for dinner again if it really pissed me off. I dismissed it and told them I was fine. I went to my appointment and she recommended that I put myself out there. I told her about my realization. She said it was a big step considering just two months ago I was living with him and receiving beatings every day. It’s good to accept you have Stockholm syndrome. It’s an extremely big step, especially in only a month. She said that if I keep improving by the end of the year I’ll be in a truly healthy relationship.  
I shyly asked what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like. She smiled a sad smile. She got up from her chair. She took my arms. She took my sleeve and rolled it up to my elbow. She pointed at a bruise that was almost healed. With the softest voice I’ve ever heard she said:  
“This, Lukas, is not what it looks like. Remember the very beginning of your relationship? That honeymoon phase where you are head over heels for each other? That’s what it feels like. All the time. No matter what happens. They respect you and you respect them. They look at you like a little kid looks at a stuffed animal prize at the carnival. They look at you like that all the time.” She looked at me with an almost genuine smile. “Do you understand what I’m trying to say?” I nodded. “Good. Our session is over. See you next week.”  
When we went home Mathias was at the door.  
“Did you invite Mathias over for dinner again?” I asked.  
“No, unless you want us to.” My mom responded.  
“No, no. He’s at the door.”  
“What?” My dad hurriedly parked the car and my mom was the first to get off.  
“Hi, Mathias. We weren’t expecting your visit.” She said.  
“I know, I’m sorry Mrs.Bondevik. I just—I wanted to know if I could talk to Lukas.”  
“Well, if its ok with him.” She looked at me for approval, I simply nodded. “Well, I guess that’s a yes… C’mon Berwarld.” My mom and dad went inside leaving me and Mathias and me alone.  
“What do you want?” I said a little colder than I intended.  
“I just wanted to know if you would like to go on a date with me?” I opened my mouth but he didn’t let me speak. “Even if it’s not now. It can be in a week or two. It can be in a few months. I just want to know if you would ever be down to go on a date with me. Whenever you think you’re ready. I know you just went through a pretty hard time and I don’t want to push you.” I didn’t know how to respond. I looked at him in the eyes. Like a kid in a carnival is what she said, right?

 

{Promise I won't push you straight to the dirt}

 

“Give me your phone,” I said.  
“What?”  
“I said give me your phone. Your mobile cellphone.”  
“Okay…” he gave it to me. I made a new contact and put in my number. I gave it back to him.  
“I’ll answer texts,” I say as I walk to the door. “And the answer is yes,” My head sticking out, “just like you said though, not now. Okay?”

 

{If you promise me you'll take them off first}

 

“Of course!” he said, eyes lighting up like the carnival lights.

 

{Love everything you do}

 

That night he texted me. We talked for almost two hours but he had to go to sleep because he had work. Right now work wasn’t a problem for me, since I was recovering. I also got fired for not going for days at a time.

 

{When you call me fucking dumb for the stupid shit I do}

 

I went to the store he works at a few days later. I went to get lunch since they had a deli. I coincidentally arrived at Mathias’ lunchtime and he begged me to join him. We talked and I was happy. Happier than I’ve been in a few years. Turns out Mathias has the corniest jokes. Also turns out that corny jokes make me laugh. I would try my hardest to cover up my laugh. I’ve been told it’s a bit obnoxious… So, I would usually end up smirking. Whilst I was leaving I got up and tripped over thin air. Of course, the most cliché thing happened. I fell into his arms. He laughed and asked if I was fine. I laughed awkwardly and said I was fine and straightened myself up. That wasn’t embarrassing.

 

{Wanna ride my bike with you}

 

After a few months of this. Almost 6 months to be precise. Friendly encounters and awkward clichés. I decided I wanted to go on that date. I was over that douchebag. I finally realized that the guy who would beat me was the same person as the boy who stopped drinking because of me. So, I went to the store during Mathias’ lunch break.  
“Mathias, hey,” I said. Not awkwardly at all.  
“Hey, Lukas!”  
“So, I was wondering, you know a few months ago, when we met? You asked me out, in advance sort of, I said yes. I was wondering; when is that date?” Mathias’ eyes widened.  
“Really?” I nodded “Yay!” He hugged me and gave me a death squeeze. “I’ll make sure it’s the best date you’ve ever gone on! I’ll make sure! I’ll text you the details tonight!” then he left his lunch at the table.

 

{Fully undressed,  
No training wheels left for you}

 

Our first date was that weekend. He took me to the movies and then he bought me ice cream. It was so sweet. My parents even told me he had asked in advance what movie I wanted to see. He also asked what my favorite ice cream store was. We went to see the movie and we went to the ice cream store. I tried to pay for my ticket and my ice cream, but he didn’t let me. When we sat down to eat ice cream it barely felt like a date. It felt like when I went to eat lunch with him at the store. The corny jokes made me laugh. Whenever I laughed he looked at me like I was a billion korens. It made my heart flutter when he looked at me like that. It made me laugh more easily, knowing he was going to look at me like that again.  
I had chosen strawberry ice cream and he had chocolate. I really liked the chocolate flavor at this place so I tricked him into looking behind him.  
“Is that a clown juggling chainsaws?” I said, trying to look confused or scared or both.  
“What?” he said turning around. I took my chance to grab his ice cream cone. “Hey!” I giggled when he turned around. I took my spoon and tasted his ice cream.  
“Yup. The chocolate is just as good as I remember.” He took his cone back and I tried my best to pout through my smile.  
“You want some? I can get you a cup.”  
“No! No, I just wanted to see if it tasted like it used to. I haven’t been here for a while.”  
“Why? You can go get ice cream whenever you want.”  
“Well, my ex wouldn’t let me unless I went with him…something about not wanting people to look at me…or whatever,” I said, my happy tone disappearing as I kept talking. I never realized how terrible he really was to me even at the begging…  
“Oh…I’m sorry.” He said, and I could tell he really was.  
“You don’t need to—He’s gone now anyway. 10-year sentence…”  
The conversation wavered for a few moments but then we were back to the usual conversation. And it was like that little realization never happened. After I finished with my ice cream, we went back to my house. He walked me all the way to my doorstep. It was honestly adorable.  
“Thank you so much, Mathias. I had a really good time.”  
“Did it live up to my claims? Was it the best date ever?”  
“Yes…the best date I’ve had in a very, very long time.” Mathias smiled proudly at this, his eyes shining.  
“I’d like to do this again.”  
“I would love to.”  
“Really?”  
“Well, I just said it was one of the best dates I’ve ever had, so I think yes,” I said trying so hard not to start beaming. I have to keep it cool. Not too desperate. Just happy. Stay calm, stupid heart, stop pounding. Oh, god.  
“Well, I guess I’ll start planning right now.” he gave me a big, charming smile. “Goodnight, then.”  
“Goodnight,” I said. The idea popped into my head.

 

{I'll pull them off for you}

 

I leaned in for a small peck. It lasted less than a second. It was very chaste and I felt like a little kid with a shy crush all over again. I opened the door and walked in. This time I couldn’t help the big smile in my face. When I got to my room, I just dreamily fell into my pillow and couldn’t help but start giggling like a 10-year-old girl.

 

{Letting go, letting go  
Telling you things you already know}

 

I went to visit him at work and I really wanted to give him a kiss, but he was still not on his break. He saw me and gave me charming smile and a wave. I waited at the deli for him to get his break. From the deli, I had a small view of him. I could practically see him perfectly if he didn’t move too much.  
This girl came up to his lane. She was good looking, not even my gay ass I could deny it. She had pale skin, blue eyes, long blonde hair and from what I could tell she was about my height. She was wearing this, in my opinion, provocative short skirt along with a shirt that seemed just about right: maybe a little tight around her bust. When it was her turn to get her items scanned, I could tell she wanted to flirt with Mathias. That’s exactly what she did too. I didn’t know what she was saying but she was leaning over the counter in a way almost to provoke Mathias into looking into her breast. Mathias, being the flaming bisexual he is, I could tell was trying really hard not to.  
This made me feel some sort of a clench in my chest. I wanted her to pay for her items and leave my boy—well, we just started dating so I don’t know if that makes him my boyfriend… Well, I just wanted her gone! When she was paying I could tell she slipped in a piece of paper into the money. Once she left she winked at Mathias and gave him a flirtatious wave. I was fuming. Mathias noticed the slip of paper and made a confused face. If only he wasn’t so oblivious…  
I got up and went to get my food. It was Mathias’ break time anyway so he was going to come over soon. I got myself a salad and sat down with Mathias.  
“Who was that girl?”

 

{I explode, I explode  
Asking you where you want us to go}

 

“I don’t know. I think she wants to be my friend. She gave me her number.”  
“Yes. She wants to be your friend. Of course.”   
“Are you ok? You seem…moody.”  
“Now you notice intentions…” I muttered, opening my salad.

 

{You've been riding two-wheelers all your life  
It's not like I'm asking to be your wife}

 

“What do you mean?” Dammit, he heard me.  
“She was totally flirting with you.”  
“And?” he looked at me confused. I could tell there was a blush creeping up on me. I was getting very frustrated, to say the least.

 

{I wanna make you mine, but that's hard to say  
Is this coming off in a cheesy way?}

 

“Lots of girls flirt with me throughout my shifts.” He looked at me for a response. I just tried my best not to show any emotion. “Are you jealous?” he said with a smirk. I rolled my eyes. Though I could tell a different kinda blush was creeping up on me right now. “Aww!” He got up from his chair and gave me a kiss on the cheek, which didn’t help my blush…

 

{Love everything you do}

 

Saturdays basically became date night. Every Saturday we went on a date and each time they got better. My favorite of all the dates was definitely when we went to the carnival. It reminded me of what my psychologist had told me. Like a little kid looking at a stuffed animal prize. I saw Mathias look at this teddy bear in some type of way. He got so excited I almost forgot this was a grown man standing next to me. He went up to one of those games that are obviously rigged. Somehow though, after spending at least 60 korens, he won the game. I thought he really wanted this teddy bear, it was a cute panda that was at least the size of a 6-year-old. When the clerk gave him the bear he immediately turned to me and handed it. I looked at him confused.   
“Why are you giving this to me?”  
“It’s for you!” he said with this adorable smile. At that moment I could only look at him full of fondness. Like he was the true prize, as cheesy as it sounds.  
“Thank you,” I said and I couldn’t resist the urge to smile and give him a quick peck on the lips. After that, though I had to turn away, blushing. It wasn’t our first kiss or anything but, I still felt flustered doing PDA. I grabbed his hand and intertwined our fingers, heading to the Ferris wheel. 

 

{When you call me fucking dumb for the stupid shit I do}

 

After we’d been dating for almost a year, we moved in together. It was an apartment in Østfold. It was a little far away from my parents but it was fine. Mathias had to get a new job but it wasn’t hard for him thanks to his natural charisma. Though now, since I was living with my parents I could just depend on them, I had to get a job, too. It was a little harder for me. Ever since my ex I’ve been more closed off, in case you haven’t noticed, not being so trusting. So since I had practically no natural charisma, it was hard to get a job. I didn’t want to rely on Mathias either. He kept insisting it was fine, but I didn’t let him.   
I finally got a job, it wasn’t exactly what I wanted but it put my degree to use. I got the job as a secretary for a lawyer. I mostly had to make letters to clients, file documents and occasionally listen to talkative clients at the reception. I got so happy when I got the job that I went home so relieved. I told Mathias and he gave me a hug, then he kissed me. I kissed back. 

 

{Wanna ride my bike with you  
Fully undressed,}

 

Then we ended up on the bed. He was taking off my shirt. And it felt great. It didn’t feel like my pants were forced off. It didn’t feel like I had to do this to ‘fulfill’ him. It felt like I wanted this. I’d never felt that way for someone before. At this point, all my thoughts were enveloped in him, in Mathias. All I could think of was him. I still had my underwear and so did he. I was ready to get it off, the heat—the want—it was too much. He stopped for a few seconds to breathe and I thought that maybe he didn’t want this like I did.   
“Are you sure you want to do this?” He asked. From the look he gave me, he was also saying ‘I wanna do this, but only if you do, too’. It wasn’t the ‘I want this, so you do too’ that I was used to. 

 

{No training wheels left for you}

 

Nothing had happened yet, I already felt loved. So, so loved. Just by being here with Mathias it felt like the whole world around me was meaningless. Whatever my past was—it was meaningless. All that didn’t matter because Mathias was here with me now. I propped myself up a to give him a kiss.

 

{I'll pull them off for you}

 

“Never been so sure in my life.”

 

{I love everything you do  
When you call me fucking dumb for the stupid shit I do  
Wanna ride my bike with you  
Fully undressed,  
No training wheels left for you  
I'll pull them off for you}

 

Now, 3 years later, I’m engaged to the love of my life. We’re looking into a house in Denmark. Our wedding is on November 5th. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I’ve never looked forward to a day more than I look forward to our wedding day. It’s crazy to think about the fact that I thought I was loved in my past relationship… Mathias always watches out for me. No matter what. I’m always on my phone and he always makes sure to look both sides when we cross the street. I can’t even count all the times he’s saved me from getting run over. Whenever we have sex it’s like the first time all over again. He always makes sure I don’t feel forced even after all these years.   
I’d never thought about marriage. I just felt like that was something I’d never achieve. So, when we were on that picnic and he said he needed to talk about something important, I thought he was going to break up with me. Then all of a sudden he started praising me and gushing about me and my brain just didn’t make the connection. I just thought he was being his normal sappy self. The tears started forming even before he got on one knee.   
I love that man-child almost as much as he loves me. But I love him more. I’m sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <3


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